Treading Water

"it's not like u took his fish after he's caught it. the fish was there and u took it. whether knowingly or unknowingly it doesnt matter. what's done has been done."

this thought has been reverberating thru my mind. was i right or wrong. ethical or unethical. justified or not. did i know at the back of my mind and chose to ignore it. was i clueless to the hints or maybe just oblivious. maybe i suspected and tried to wringle an answer. alas, it was not to be. estatic and armed with newfound justification i moved forward. what use was there walking in circles or constantly looking back. time and tide waits for no man and opportunity only knocks once. was i to miss the rising of the dawn. i thought not. not with nothing substantial blocking my path. the door was open, all i had to do was bite the bullet and take the plunge.

there's been no regret thus far. concern and anxiety at times but definately no regret. perhaps i'm so jaded that nothing stirs me anymore but i beg to differ. i've figured different things make me tick now. u cant push the buttons u did 3 years ago and expect the same results, i'm no longer that same person. without a doubt everyone changes, how much is the question. i fear the day where i wake up and look into the mirror not recongise the person gazing back at me. what will i have become there. would i even notice that i've changed or simply glaze over it like we all do everyday.

they say u only live once, carpe diam.

that if u die trying to do that one thing that u always wanted to do. would u die without a single shred of regret. the sudden, complete and total loss of all other possibilities all traded for that moment of excitement, rush and sense of fulfilment. that it is worth it.

better to try and fail and then not try at all.

the only complete failure is the failure to try.

therein lies the question of what to try and what not to try. how then should we decide what to try.