It's Not The 1st Time

it's not the 1st time that you and your sisters of ours have moved my things without my consent. it's not the 1st time that my things have gone missing. and it's definately NOT the 1st time that i've proven that the things that go missing is NOT because of me.

you keep saying that i don't bother packing my room and putting things into perspective. how about for every 1 thing that i pack you and that grand masterplan of yours packs, repacks and REPACKAGES my things into little obscure bundles or big boxes that never once again sees the light of day. what reason therefore is there for me to pack my room when all your every going to do is take a look at it and decide that you do NOT like my layout. and when no one's around and my room is open to your violation you stroll into my room and change everything to your every whim and fancy.

you keep saying that i will forget the things you ask me to do. well name me a time. you might as well couldn't and you couldn't. all you could say was last time. LAST TIME. what kind of answer is last time. you might as well say that everyone in this world will die because EVERYONE DIES. it has reached the point where i do not even bother trying. i'll just do it and leave the house. least you reach home and discover something else that this god-forsakened son has not done well.

you come and tell me to buck up and give me a 45 min lecture on me not doing well in school. HELLO. earth to apollo. IT SAYS GOOD ACADEMIC STANDING. which might not really be good BUT at least it's not bad. but no, it's not good enough. you daughter is the pride and joy. how about she graduated with not even a 2nd lower... it does not strike or occur to you because she's from rjc. she's from rgs and she's been closer to the top all the way than i ever was. BUT SHE DID NOT GET 2ND LOWER. at least I AM GONNA TO GET THE LOWEST MERIT. but you probably would not even notice. you wouldn't even care. you never care. never.

you cannot imagine the humilitation and pain of a primary 4 kid who has received a colours award and is attending the celebration lunch for the awardees and their parents. when a kid without a SINGLE parent, who won an award is told off by a teacher for stealing the food. she had the gall to threaten to call my parents, looking back i would have asked her to call you. just to see what kind of excuse you would give to cover your lack of reason for the failure to attend you own son's award ceremony. and you have attended your daughter's award presentations. i can only conclude that i never mattered. maybe i was always the failure, the loser and the underachiever. but i'm fucking in the university and when you compare that to your entire family that makes 2. your daugther AND ME. out of all the nephews and nieces that you have NOT A SINGLE ONE OF THEM MADE IT.

but it's still not enough.

it never is enough. till i'm dead and gone and the world does not matter. then it is enough.

it has to be enough.