when talking about where the birthday girl is going to hold her party at sentosa.

gal," so you coming?"

me,"yeah, which bitch is it at?"

gal," ...."

King Hong

it all started with a simple comment that i thought a particular touch girl was cute... then someone told the touch girls that i thought (LETS CALL HER D) D was cute.

but the story doesnt end there, that motherfuckingsonofabitch went on and said that i want to carry her home. now everyone thinks that i said D is cute and that i want to carry her home....

now, all the ruggers know, all the touch girls know and to top it off they started calling me a hongster.

hongster is a slang for someone who is very chee hong. chee hong means skirt chaser (loosely translated). then at some stupid bbq, i said someone was more chee hong than me. lizhi fucking started smiling and said, " if he's a hongster, then ur King Hong..."

i can only hope that King Hong doesnt leave the ruggers... though i seriously doubt it.

in conclusion, i've concluded that there are 3 kinds of people in this world.

1, those that people like to make fun of. (me)
2, those that like to make fun of people. (me)
3, all of the above (also me)

i can only hope to move up the food chain and remove myself from 1 and 3.

the NYP sex video. it was not raunchy, it was not spectacular and it was most definately not aw inspiring. but it was damn bloody juciy. the whole saga of it. watching the clip kills the romance of the whole thing as one cannot help but go "what's the big deal about? there's nothing special..."

i'm glad that i'm over my teenage years, no doubt it was the most interesting time of my life but i could have easily done so many things that could have screwed me ten times over. it doesnt help that being a minor, the worst thing they could have done to me was to send me to boys town, or place me under probabtion or etc etc.

Singapore Idol

i was watching the 1st few episodes of american idol and i noticed how they travelled from state to state, from LA to Chicago etc etc. it probably made all the sense in the world sgiven how big america is. having an audition at the west coast means ur probably going to have to forgo the mass of talents on the east coast and vice versus. it made total sense.

then i watched some advertisements.

and i noticed SINGAPORE IDOL. singapore idol shifted from cineleisure, to ngee ann city and finally to the HEARTLANDS, toa payoh. i almost died just thinking about it.cineleisure is at somerset mrt and ngee ann city is at orchard mrt. just 1 stop. in fact,ngee ann city is NOT even at orchard per se. it's in between orchard mrt and somerset mrt. and toa paoyoh? it would make more sense going to somewhere like tampines or sengkang or punggol...but toa payoh? it's only 3 stops away from orchard...

bringing it to the heartlands... what a joke.

Torino

what's with girls and ice skating. i cannot phamton.

we were supposed to play poker! P-O-K-E-R!

and when we got there, KK's mom was watching ice skating. 2 hrs later, we were still watching ice skating....

i was bored stiff. plus, the place was warm. the funny thing was that ONLY i felt warm. the other 2 girls were captivated with the twists and the turns and the double turns and the triple turns. swooning and gasping at the difficult acts, the synchronised movements, the at times beautiful at times horrendous costumes.

sigh

we ended up playing poker with 10 cents chips.

what's the point of playing bluff when u have nothing to lose? oh yeah sure, losing $3 is go going to burn a hole through ur pocket...

and i didnt even bother taking the winnings, it was so obvious that their eyes were glued on the tv, it would be akin to stealing candy from a baby.

i'm so happy the winter games are ending soon. so happy.

To Letting

"love iz da complete ability, to letting somebody break your heart but trusting them not to."

i hate the way this person writes, it's simply disgusting. so much ghetto speak. she goes on to say things like leave ma outta it.

wos suppozd 2 mit xx 4 supper bt he wos kinda bz so changed plans n went out w xx 'stead cos she askd me if i wantd 2 hang out... so, xx left 4 camp n xx n i went 2 mit etc etc.

i just hate the way things are written like that. like short cuts are all and good. but wos? mit?

oh come on.and btw, to LETTING somebody break your heart? u must have really nice friends out there. friends who would never hurt u by telling u what bad english u have. it's simply terrible. to letting. i am go to shitting. or maybe ur friends are just as dumb as u. i think it's the former.

p.s no i do not know that person i just bitched about. i just had to comment. and i know my english isnt perfect either. but still.

ASSHOLE

i remember when i was a kid and going out costs 20 dollars, usually less.

now i'm an adult and going out costs me around $100 everytime. like frymyflamingballs.

i love clubbing, the girls, girls and more girls. being attached is one thing, looking is another. =)

i almost got caught for drink driving last night. as i drove up along upper bukit timah road, i saw the tell tale signs of a police road block. being one way with no way out (i mean if there was then it wouldnt be called a road block would it?) i calmly slowed down like all good singaporean drivers would and subjected myself to police scrutiny. he looked at me and was about to wave me through when he saw my brokeback looking salsa friend slouching on the chair with the I-AM-DRUNK-AND-I-KNOW-U-THINK-I-AM-DRUNK look. instead of waving me on, he looked at me again. i looked at him. and i seriously thought he was going to ask me to go to the side of the road when i sent "wave me through, i am not drunk" jedi mind tricks at him.

being the padawan that i was, it somehow worked and me waved me through but the look on his face was another story. it was a look of WHATTHEFUCKAMIDOINGWAVINGHIMTHROUGH. but yeah, i got through. later, mr brokeback told me that the only time he sat up at a road block he got called out of his CAB. yes, CAB. like how loser is that. hahaha. he's not a ca driver by the way. so this time he just continued slouching and acting tough.

like thank u very much.

mr brokeback also said that the reason the guy let us through was because of my shirt. it's an attica shirt with a skull on it. how punk is that, i bet i scared the police officer shitless when he saw it.

to get the facts right, i wasnt drunk when i was driving. i'm too responsible for that. i had my last drink at 2 am. i got that drink from a danish man. i met JK and she was asking for a drink like crazy, it's the 1st time someone asked me to buy them a drink, ME. so a drink i tried to buy for her. at the bar drunk danish (DD) came up to me, placed his hand on my shoulder and said, " U R AN ASSHOLE!" like what the fuck mr ang mo. u come to my country to cherry makan and u call me an asshole? i looked at him and asked him why is that so. he shouted back, because i'm an asshole! and he started laughing to himself. he then got so happy he said he would buy me my drink! woohoo, i should have bought a jug.

then he started saying, if u can guess where i'm from, i'll buy u ur drink, if not u buy me mine. and i mean hello, i bought a mug, u bought 1 jug... do the fucking math. but he had a good 50 cm on me and hands that can crush walbuts... i obliged. i said "GERMANY!"

NO, UP NORTH!!!

switerland?

NORTH NORTH!

NORWAY!!!! (i thought i had it)

SOUTH!!!!

(at this point i swore i could have killed myself, i pulled upon all my modern world history and soccer knowledge) denmark?!

UR AN ASSHOLE!!!!

AND UR AN ASSHOLE TOO!!!

he then goes into a denmark promotion campaign. if u can tell me what's the capital of my 5 million people country, i'll buy u a drink!

i huffed, and i puffed and i blew his house down. COPEHAGEN!(wrong spelling but i dun care, this was from all the battletech novels i read, or maybe it was soccer, or olympics but dun ask me how, i just knew it.)

afriad to pay 10 bucks for my drink he said, last qns! if u can answer it i pay for ur drink if not u pay for mine.

now by this time i was bored, u fucking chao ang mo, no money do not disturb a singaporean. and a smart one too. p.s, i might look drunk but i sure as hell aint. i just LOOK.

he asked me how many people there were, plus minus 0.5 million there were in his country. note, he already told me the ans to that.

i looked at him and said, "give her ur card! there're 5 million people in denmark!"

we both started shouted asshole! asshole for a good 3 minutes. like wtf.

anyway, back to drunk driving, i had my last drink at 2, and at 330, i downed like 2 teh o's and 1 teh o with ice and 1 prata. i was convinced that what ever alchol that was left in my system was flushed and gone. through and through.

KGB and Rugby

i was sitting in a friend's meeting when he looks over at me and asks me to help him choose a regional company that is doing well, so that they may choose it if they should want to for their project.

i pondered and wondered when i told him to use KGB.

"LOCAL LOCAL U IDIOT. WHICH PART OF KGB SOUNDS LOCAL?"

"the part that sounds like kong guan biscuits."

score 1 for adrian and 0 for the home team!




my friend's nick reads, " 2ND RUNNERS UP! CONCEDING ONLY 2 MATCHES! SCORED AGAINST THE FAVORITES! SMU RUGBY : SIMPLY POSSIBLE"

what he forgot to add was that we played ONLY 2 matches and we lost both matches. in fact both teams outnumbered us by at least 2 is to 1. but the scoreline was decent, 24 - 0 in the 1st game and 34 - 7 in the 2nd game. for all you ignorant dikes out there thinking that we got our asses whooped, i would like to say that rugby is not like soccer. in addition, a draw is virtually unheard of in rugby games and most close matches are won with this scoreline. period.

James Bond

i'm turning into a beach boy.

woohoo.

with me mighty unflattering body.

time to invest in more shirts and bod shorts.

i wish i looked like bradd pitt.

the mind is willing the body is not.

i am a firm believer of evolution.

now, i no longer burn under prolonged exposure under the sun.

in fact, i do not even get tanner.

i'm a living, breathing and fucking example that 1 generation evolution is possible.

i am a X-MAN.....

there's this girl presenting in class, she keeps sticking her tongue out when she makes a mistake while talking. she sticks her tongue out when someone asks a difficult question. in fact, she sticks her tongue out when when she's standing while the prof is answering a question. likt WTF.

i've many friends, friends i classify as 007 for the simple fact that they are so god damn fucking secretive about their love lives. nothing wrong there and i understand why people would want to be private about it but that doesnt entitle me to not be fucking annoyed about it.

someone got caught smsing a girl like crazy and crazy means 60 out of 70 smses in his phone. when asked about it he deleted everything and said "i where got sms her?" shoot me please.

i have a friend (male) whose friend (female) was asking for another friend's (male) msn contact. 1st friend refused to give it to her and didnt let the OTHER friend know about it too. sneaky sneaky, a classic case of vested interest and we only realised it when the girl being female managed to lay her hands on the OTHER friend's msn. how she did it we're clueless.

i have another friend who went on a date. find and good. but dun tell us that u paid for dinner, movie etc etc and stop short of telling us who it is. it's akin to having sex with a girl and just before u cum she stops, dresses and leaves. in fact it's more cruel that having sex with a girl as with the latter, u could finish the job urself.

If you were a chicken, you would be impeccable.

lost in taxation

remember how i hate pple using the phrase tax is taxing.

i've gone further than that.

now, i'm lost in taxation.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

just that there's no other person that i'm like grossly attracted to and vice versus.

no almost affair that i can have (except with my laptop and textboook)

i feel like i'm sitting in a pool of tax experts and i'm the only lost asswipe here. i look around me and wonder who else is lost. but from the faces i see and the qns i hear, i'm the only black sheep in the class. like what the fucking hell.

it's disgusting how much i touch my laptop in tax class. absolutely disgusting. if my laptop can sue me for indecent behaviour and sexual harressment, i'm looking at 10 life sentences. all committed in ONE tax class.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/73449 this game is a classic. so far, there's classic airplane shooters, golden axe fight scenes, complete with dragons and a simple smack the jack in the box game.

the above game is yet another reason why i'm so lost in taxation. damn do i love that phrase or do i love that phrase.

Never lose to a 6 yr old

One can never lose when arguing with a 6 yr old.

" hey, go do ur homework. after u're done finishing it, i'll buy u macdonalds ice cream (yeah damn cheapo but to a 6 yr old. it's a fortune.)."

6 yr old," if u dun give me ice cream now, i wun do my work."

tyrant," if u dun do ur work, i will NOT buy u an ice cream NOW and i will NOT buy u an ice cream AFTER you finish your work."

6 yr old," ....."







it's not over yet. never leave an enemy behind you. crush, kill and annihilate.

the bastard," so are u going to do your work now?"

6 yr old," i can call police, say u force me to do things i dun want to do."

omg, now he's going to call the cops. like what the hell... taking a cue from russel peters, " go and call them. meanwhile i'll turn off the tv so u cant watch spiderman and pokemon..."

i've been watching too much kids central. and THIS is a huge reason why.



nothing beats watching a certain aboriginal australian prancing around and singing song. another reason is of course, the annoying 6 yr old. what's with kids and adults and adults singing songs while acting cute. and what's worst? watching ur 6 yr old cousin dance along with them... LIKE HELLO, JUST BECAUSE THEY SAY DANCE WITH US DOESNT MEAN THEY GIVE A SHIT WHETHER UR DANCING OR NOT.

does anyone know that it's the winter olympics? more importantly the torino winter olympics?



*silence*

i thought as much.



sometimes when i see guys oogling at girls, i cannot help but develop this mental picture in my head. i only hope that when i'm oogling at girlsi do not look like that.

Apparently

apparently bees coming to ur house is a sign of good fortune. believing it wholeheartedly, i went to buy 4 d.

on everything that i could think of.

it works only in the movies.

i wanted to borrow my friend's mouse to play a game. he told me he cant lend it to me because he's doing CAT.

another friend turned to us and said, "yeah, to DO a cat, u'll probably need a mouse.

MACDONALDS

east coast macs rock. like big time, they have free wireless, free refill of tea (if u like your tea to get more and more diluted with every refill) and best of all u have a power socket to plug ur laptop into (if ur lucky enough to get the seats beside the power socket). i mean the power socket park is like wow!

i guess they just figured that it's simply just not economical for them to come over and tell every single dickhead who sees the power socket there and decides to plug in. can u imagine telling like 60 pple off in a day that they cannot plug their laptops in to a power socket. being singaporean and knowing singaporeans, they'll prob just unplug it when told not to. But the moment u turn ur backs on them, lo and behold, it's plugged right back in again.

what's even worst than telling someone they cant plug in their laptops? telling them they cannot plug in their laptops two times in a row.

what's worst than telling them they cant plug in their laptops 2 times in a row? telling them they cant plug it in 3 times in a row...

and when u finally win the battle and the fuckers leave, what do u get out of it? a whole lot of bad will and some entreprenueric asswipe (armed with a laptop no less) who sees an empty table next to the power point. 1 + 1 = 2.

now consider what would happen should u allow people to plug in their laptops...why they would be glad and try to freeload off your electrictiy again! so they return and return and return. of course they will not be able to plug in everytime as there are only two sockets. so they'll sit around, buy food or drinks or both.

oh, if u forget to bring ur laptops then there's always the inhouse computers for u to use. there's only 2 btw... and as of tonight one is spoilt.

2 sockets, 2 computers and i wonder why they say good things come in pairs. 2 brains are better than 1, i've got a left and a right brain so why arent i smarter than normal.... i DO HAVE 2 BRAINS. so it's better than the ONE u have.

i have 1 hour to stop kane (from the brotherhood of nod) from releasing a tiberium warhead that will cause tiberium to engulf the world's surface, changing the way of life as we know it. i remember back in secondary school, some teacher was teaching us something and she asked the class, what does GDI stand for... i sheepishly replied, " it stands for GLOBAL DEFENSE INITIATIVE..."

and no, i do not know what nods stands for.....

Cheater

all you parking wardens beware! i, adrian the cheater, the almighty parking fee evader, the payer of few parking summons have designed a new system to beat the system.

DAMN SHIT

i must be losing it. i cannot remember myself being so hard working. in fact, it's so hardworking that i find it absolutely disgusting.

i was never a firm believer of the equation work is directly proportional to results. never mind.

BY asked me the other day, hey! helicopter! point to a chinhook. "yeah that's a chinhook. big yeah?"

she then splurted," is the apache an attack helicopter?"

"no, they're red indians native to north america and they got wiped out."

BY," ......................................................................"

the longest coldest deadliest stare ever. she could melt a stone with those eyes.

i've met my match, i tried my macdonalds and shell are from the same parent company on some rugggers today. for a moment i thought they bought it and i was gonna tell them i shitted them when one of the said rather sacarstically i might add," and hamburgler is the CFO..."

damn shit i say. damn shit!

rugby meeting was better, somebody got arrowed to go for a site recce on sunday at sentosa. when the president asked him so is he going he said," if i need to go, then i'll go. since i need to go, i guess i have to go." okay, lame but it was the way he said it. priceless AS picture perfect.

Of Osim, Macdonalds and Apple

i awoke to a swarm of bees in front of my window. my goodness, i thought it was attack of the bees! excited i walked to my window and checked what was going on. to my utter horror, i noticed that the bees were just outside my window. MY HOUSE. i looked to my neighbours' house on my left and to my right and clear skies with no bees were all i saw.

"HONG GAN"

ignoring them, i proceeded downstairs to consume me lunch. i looked into the kitchen and "HONG GAN". the whole kitchen was swarming with bees. like what the fucking hell man. promptly, i packed my bag and left my house not before calling my mom to inform her.

why do people go, TAX IS SO TAXING.

i think it's rather lame.

on the ignorance of some people. walking past an apple store in bishan and i told my friend, do u know apple is the computer branch of macdonalds? that's why their computers are called macs. then in order to diversify their business, they gave some singaporean money to set up osim. that's why osim's products are all i-something, like the i-gallop.

she got so excited, she went to call her sister to tell her about her amazing revelation.

I am kidding

i applaude myself with the amount of crap i can come up with. shell and macdonalds being from the same parent company is pure genius i must add. i hate it when profs ask me questions during corp reporting class. not hate as in i do not like her hate. hate as in i hate it when someone asks me something that i have little or no knowledge as to the answer. oh my god. there's a wiz kid in my class. wiz kid is like woah the guru to all things financial.

sorry for diverging, i couldnt help it.

when i do not know the answer, i throw a smoke bomb. when i really dunno the answer, i throw a bigger smoke bomb.

i look at this girl in class and bimbo is screaming in my head. she's just so bimbotic. stop answering qns when the ans is being flashed in front of u. stop giving answers that as SO GOD DAMN OBVIOUS. ur a bimbo and that's that. B-I-M-B-O.

there's a china looking porn star in this class too. she's oohhh lala. my neck, my back my lala and my lala. but oh she's drop dead gorgegous. who ever said i know all the hot girls in school are so damn fucking mistaken cause there's no way i know that chick. not by a long shot. and no, there's aint no way i'm gonna get to know her unless someone helps me.

beside the pornstar (characterized by porcelin like skin as well as colour) who has white skin sits someone with skin colour of the darkest chocolate brown. note i could have said malay colour except for the fact that her face is distinctly chinese. anyways she's hot hot hot.

so that's 2 hotties in this class.

three's the charm! another hottie. this one looks like a teacher. one of those teachers who u would just love to see in a porno video. hahahahahaha.

no more hotties in my line of sight. :(

fattie typing this though... :(

The Silence Of The Lambs

oh my goodness... i can die. the group's presentation is so scrappy it disgusting. the lead presenter is in a worn out faded polo-tee. his hair is obviously not groomed and i mean not groomed, not even the "out of bed" look. it IS the out of bed look.

the other presenter is not too far behind. he's holding an a4 size paper (HIS SCRIPT) in his hand and he's OBVIOUSLY reading from it.. like bloody hell.

the powerpoint slides live up to their makers. they have pictures covering the words! like what the fuck. an obvious display of lack of preparation. like OH MY BLOODY FLAMING BALLS.

the class is half empty. no, not half full as there is not enough people to form up half a class. so half empty is a fairer estimate.

i think the prof hates their idea. they're being shot down so many times. it's like flys flying into a venus flytrap. sheep to the slaughter. wait. lambs? their presentation should be renamed, "the silence of the lambs"

thank god it's over. over in the time it took me to write this.

You Wouldn't Be Wiser

10 facts about life.

1) every Phua Chu Kang who is based on a shakespear play
2) the planet mars is red cause it's the only planet to bleed when u cut it
3) if u were to scribble on a piece of paper and get the president to sign it, it becomes legal tender.
4) a ringing mobile phone set to vibrate at a specific frequency will attract certain humming brids
5) in mathematical terms, all eggs are considered square
6) you can legally have sex with somebody 10 minutes after their death
7) it's impossible to turn left while imagining the word right
8) the word ear is a bastardation of the word hear
9) farts actually produce no smell- it's just our hormonal response to the pungent checimicals released by farts that produces the psychological impression of an odour
10) the 1st telephone call ever made was a wrong number, answered by a certain ralph stetford, who was at that time sitting down for dinner
11)macdonalds and shell are from the same parent company. that's why their logos have the same colour scheme










if u actually believed they were right, shame on u. all of the above are courtesy of maxim magazine which has a smashing shoot of a certain china model called yuna. except for point 11 which was purely conjured by me.

errr

imgaine ur surname is ER. and imagine ur an old middle age lady. on CNY, someone comes and visits u and brings along ur favorite newphew. now of course u remember his name and u see him often enough that u think he remembers u but not often enough that he remembers u. as he steps into the house u go ," XXX, do u remember me?". excitement and glee conveying ur joy at seeing him.

he (naturally) forgets ur name and lack lusterly goes ," hello auntie.... (significant pause) ERRR...." before he exposes his lack of naming knowlegde u go GOOD BOY. HERE'S AN ANGPAO FOR U.

u should always have a surname like er... it'll save u tons and tons of embarressment.

if u dun know a person's name, just go hello mr/mr ERRRR.... it's indefinately better than saying hello mr TAN? hahaha.

my infamous luck ran out on the 3rd day of cny. not infamous because it's notoriously good. infamous cause it's been sorely lacking in my life... and the one time it came, it came for 2 days, i won 30 bucks from big 2. 8 bucks from mah jong before losing like 10bucks at black jack...

did i mention 10 out of the 30 that i won has not been claimed and neither do i think it's gonna be recoverable. talk about bad debts. and no, no provosion was made. looks like i'll have to expense it out. this might sound smart but trust me, it does NOT take a rocket scienctist to figure it out. in fact, a d+ in acct 101 is good nuff.

enough said, i'll not brag about my mental deficiencies least u all competive and jealous folks out there start comparing who has the lowestr grades.

i've only had that kinda competition once. ONCE. and that was in my whole 12 years in the ACS family. comparing top grades meant u were either a) damn low EQ b) damn low EQ c) all of the above. but comparing who did the worst was like chasing the holy grail. it is always within sight but never quite yours. there's always someone dumber than u so take pride and know that u didnt do the worst... eer.....