I Rather Not Know

i discovered something this morning at my friends' place. a causal remarked, made off hand sparked a huge reaction among the people there which lead to an investigation. an investigation to see if the person i mentioned causually was the same person they had in mind. well i didnt expect her to be an angel. it was the same person. i sure didnt expect her to be the devil. i cldnt believe my ears after hearing the things she did, i cldnt believe it then and i dont want to believe it now but i guess i'm already believing it. i guess every coin has 2 sides. the qns now is which side do i choose to see, is it possible to treat the person the same way after knowing the other side. it's not my place to judge but i cannot help but be swayed. in fact, i refused to find out more, i left soon after. the reaction there was just too strong and too biased, as much as they hated her she was still a friend.

once i wld have died to know what was going on and find out to the bottom paying no heed to the repercussions. the truth was everything. the innocence of youth. now, i just rather not know. what wld knowing change? it wld change everything and yet nothing at all.

once i wld act on the truth, thinking that clearing up the bad air wld be best. now i wouldnt even entertain that thought. somethings in the past are meant to be buried and forgotten, never to be brought out to the sunlight again. some scars cut too deeply, other things once done, shld just be forgotten. i've got a closet full of skeletons too and i can only imagine my reaction shld someone bring it up.

the magic of youth.

the anesthtic is fading and my gums hurt. like hell. i pulled out 1 wisdom tooth today. i wld like nothing more than to sleep in bed bu the pain is excrucitating. i complained that i cldnt feel the right side of my mouth. now i'm wishing i still cldnt feel it. it's a dull throbbing pain now. i hope it doesnt become a sharp acute pain later. i will just die. man with every word that i type the pain become more intense. am i giving it too much thought, thus increasing the pain or is it really getting more painful. i think it's the former. but a part of me that doesnt want to appear to be weak thinks it's the latter. it's the latter. it's the latter. it's the latter.

fuck, it's the former. maybe if i stop talking about it it'll be less painful.

change. yesterday the big c asked me who's the big c that i talk about in my blog. HA. i gave her a gals' name and she took it. yeah right, she obviously knew who the big c is. i mean how hard is it for u to know that someone is talking about u. oh and v is so angry abt the post i made. i apologised continously but still i'm getting ignored. my idea of a joke aint exactly too funny APPARENTLY. but yeah i'm still sorry.