Funny Quotes

found this site when i was stumbling and it's really, really funny.

1.	Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
2.	The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
3.	Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4.	It's your god. They're your rules. *You* go to hell.
5.	Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
6.	War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.
7.	If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
8.	I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness
9.	Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
10.	If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
11.	A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station...
12.	You can't be late until you show up.
13.	Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
14.	My god carries a hammer. Your god died nailed to a tree. Any questions?
15.	Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway
16.	Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
17.	A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
18.	The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources
19.	Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN.
20.	books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn't pay..so if you keep reading, you'll go broke